Breaking Free: The Journey from People Pleasing to Boundary Setting

     Do you a people please

Do you people please?

? According to Harriet B. Braiker, people pleasing is not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the disease to please are people who say "Yes" when they really want to say "No." For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use "niceness" and "people-pleasing" as self-defense camouflage.

     People pleasing often fear rejection or abandonment, so they focus on others’ needs and desires to avoid conflict or potential disapproval. Ask yourself these questions: What are you afraid of? Who will abandon you? Is there confrontation that you are avoiding?  Get a notebook or your journal and really think about these questions. If you aren’t sure where to begin you can always address your questions to your spirit such as, spirit within me why do I ___? You can write your question multiple times until the words come to you. Keep writing until you begin to feel better. This may take several pages front and back.

      Practice saying NO! Look at your reflection in a mirror and imagine a scenario you don't want to do. Practice saying no to that scenario. How does it feel in your body to say no? What do you notice? Where in your body do you feel resistant?

Break Free from people pleasing. You will not increase your relationship status by meeting their needs. Find relationships that satisfy you. Your worth will not be validated because you bend over backwards for other people. You are worthy just as you are. You are not responsible for the happiness of other people. Who ever showed you the way of people pleasing was doing what they learned from their role model. IT STOPS WITH YOU!

     Therefore, saying No puts you in control of what you can and can’t do. When you don’t become a boundary setter stress build, you lash out at your friends or loved ones. I don’t want to see you burnout, lose your identity, or develop poor relationships.

Are you committed to breaking free from people pleasing and setting boundaries that fit you! It’s just like going to the gym. You must exercise those muscles, endure the pain, for lasting benefit. You got this!